During the point of worldly exploration when we start to approach interests and passions with an open perspective a hard and disproportionate question is preached and shoved down the throats of the many young and curious.
“what do you want to be in life?”
This is probably one of the most frustrating questions (for me anyway) because it is like trying to figure out what will happen next in the universe, the universe is a macrocosm of you – no difference, in a constant state of flux, movement and cosmic dance you cannot predict your own passions, what you found interesting at the tender age of 15 will probably be totally different when you are 20, 40, 60!
This question that expects one to answer a life long determination is asked most consistently at this age, at 15 I remember going into school assembly and they would play in the background the song: “10 years time” and then start battering on about what you will choose to be in the next couple of months for the rest of your life when life had barely even begun! it was amusing and unsettling in retrospect because I fell for the illusion at the time of believing what I wanted to be: an idealistic state of being, I wanted to be a musician full time or make it into a full time job. it seems to be that our childlike naivety and impressionable character is extremely conforming to answering questions we think we can answer and is even especially dangerous when so called grown ups pass on unanswerable questions to impressionable children because many a time we indulge in quick thinking to answer the question before actually experiencing a decent amount of life to do so.
And again I recently stumbled upon this self inflicted cyclical thinking problem, approaching university I start thinking about what type of bachelor I should go for: should I do philosophy, linguisitics? what should I do? What do I want a career in? what do I want to do? do I even want to go?
After thinking about it I came to the conclusion that these questions we give ourselves are rooted in hope and fear, but paradoxically it is these two products of overthinking that are nonetheless Identical to each other; because they are both produce self torment, we torment ourselves over these questions, hoping for and fearing against ideal state of being in life as if it was a problem which we need to fix and it was Hecato that said: “cease to hope and you will cease to fear” we hope for the things that do not become are fears and fear the things that do not becomes our hopes, this torment we enforce on our lives is because we are told to view life implicitly as an inherent problem, and as all problems are, they all need to be fixed, if anything, we end up fixing not life or our own but physically fixing ourselves to something that is not the answer, cementing ones life in a position of being, where one cannot move freely but only within the paradigms of ones own decision of rigidity.
If we view life as a puzzle, something solvable then are we not viewing life as being comprised of fixed states of being? that there are pieces which perfectly fit together, that never change? that you are just a piece in a puzzle that will perfectly fit with another forever? but life is not like that, there are no states of being but only states of becoming! Everything is passing, changing, growing, appearing, moving, nothing is stagnant nothing stays the same, hence why that horrid question of self inflicted decay is never answered and we may even lie to ourselves to do so.
The self is never a state of being only until our ego makes it so and what lies behind the mask is something of complete potential, the ego seems to enjoy the category, to categorize the self with a particular state of being, to think that it has solved the personal bubble of life but life in this case is not something that you should try to fix because it is not in your powers to fix and is not designed to be fixed, you are in flux continuously, emotionally, passionately so leave that be and allow it to follow through. Experience the world and craft it around your interests, instead of asking the question what do you want to be ask the question of what do you want to become, to become something that is not the definition of an immovable job title, to become an everchanging vessel experiencing the world, to consistently become something that is always improving oneself.
To conclude: life should be treated as an experience rather then as a problem, if we treat it as such we will attempt to solve it by confining ourselves within an inflexible position, if we treat ourselves as being we undermine our own consistent flexibility which is instinctive and within our own nature, overall, it is only natural to not know what one wants to be, therefore: don’t worry, continue with your ever revolving passions, be critical learn to be wise and see where it takes you.
What do you want to be? well… I can never be anything, there is no perfect state of me to be or of you but only the progressive redemption of my own soul! I can only become something and then become something again until I become dead, In which case: I continue in the game of constant flux.